It’s, ANNOYING!!!!

Posted on May 13, 2012 by Magpie

I used to think that there was nothing more annoying then some one constantly talking through and over a film. But, last night, sadly I was proving wrong. Last night we watched Van Helsing with dinner. And that’s really where all the trouble began.

Now don’t get me wrong! This isn’t about the film it’s self. No I really enjoyed that. True some of the lines weren’t the best, and the main female lead was kinda irritating, but despite that it was a really good Action film. I liked how they did the monsters, like making Frankenstein’s monster a good person and they even made Frankenstein himself quite likeable. The Werewolves being controled by Dracula I thought was just creepy enough to work and The count himself is a really good villain. I mean things with Dracula, Frankenstein and the wolf man generally make me want to shy away. Because let’s face it, a plot like that doesn’t really inspire confidence that it’s gonna be good. But you know I was pleasantly surprise, this was a kick ass film.

It had that one crucial element that if you’ve read my blog you’ll know that I need. That moment when you don’t know if these characters are gonna be okay or if they’re gonna die. And it did that really well. It wasn’t Shakespeare but then it wasn’t trying to be.

However some people did not share the same view. And if that was all it was, I would’ve been fine. Everyones entitled to their opinion. But if you thought having to sit through a film in which someone keeps talking over was annoying then try watching a film in which someone keeps sniggering at, the entire way through! And you can probably guess who was the culprit of this afront to film watching everywhere.

That’s right! It was my fucking brother again! I’m starting to think he’s doing these things just to piss me off! The twit spent the whole film either sniggering or making sarcastic commits. Every time I looked over there he was not even trying to hide his mirth at the film’s expense. I never felt a stronger urge to rip somebody’s throat out in my life.

He still did the talking as well but now it was much worst. While last time it had just been regular Annoying now it was so annoying that it made me want to throw my head back and scream at the heavens. “God help me!!” And then Van Helsing would have been sicked on him. Because is what happens when that phrase is said. But I controlled myself, but I swear to god that of he does it again, I’m summoning Hugh Jackman for real! Then we’ll see who’s laughing!! “cackles hysterically”

The Straight Grimm

Posted on May 11, 2012 by Magpie

We’ve started watching Grimm recently and oh my god it is fucking fantastic!! The concept is kinda original, the episodes themselves are exiting, I like the characters mostly and surprisingly I’m actually learning things as well. Things about Grimm Fairy Tales, so you know it’s not rocket siance, but knowledge is knowledge. The only complaint I’d really have about it is the main character is kinda a tool.

Okay, maybe that’s not fair he does have his moments, but generally I just don’t see what’s the big deal. The only thing he really has is this special power to see these fairy tale people for what they really are. If he didn’t have that then he’d just be another cop. And it wouldn’t even be like his partner Hank who’s a really good detective. You know, he notices little things that other people might just ignore or brush aside as irrelevant. But Nick doesn’t have that, and it’s not like he’s funny at all like Monroe or anything. And I know that’s not his primary role in the series, he’s the one with the mystical powers. He’s the hero, but to tell you the truth it doesn’t have to be like that.

For example take a look at another hero in a similar show, Buffy . Yes she also had superpowers, but she wasn’t just that. She got more then her share of the better jokes on the show, she also had a head on her shoulders and was a competent leader. I mean season 7 will just blow you away. She’s just so awesome, especially when you think of what her so called friends put her through.

But then again maybe I’m not being fair. After all I’ve only seen a couple of episodes at the beginning of the series. And Nick is just starting out with all of this, he hasn’t really gotten the swing of things yet, and he has his moments. Like the Hansel and Gretel episode where these street kids are being up-ducted and harvested for their organs. Be it, it is one one of the more grizzlier ones, he was still pretty cool in it. I loved it when he’s threatening one of the evil creatures and he reveals to her that he’s a grim and then he says. ” I’m not talking to you as a cop, so don’t expect me to act like one.” that was awesome!

So their are occasions when he comes into his own, but generally he’s just kinda of the Strait man for the other characters to bounce their lines off of. Which while that is a pity, I suppose it could be worse at least he’s actually got a point in the show, unlike the girlfriend.

Ahhhhh! Kill it! Kill it!

Posted on May 7, 2012 by Magpie

I’m not kidding! Seriously what person in real life would find this man attractive. Okay so maybe if you squint and try to ignore the pure evil radiating from him, he might have been good looking, once, a long time ago.

But still! The man isn’t anymore, and he certainly wasn’t in Dynasty ! In the first episode when Crystal is talking to her friends about her wedding. And they say that she’s so lucky he’s so handsome. Do these women not have eyes! Or are they blinded by the huge dollar signs in them?

Because quite frankly that’s all that Blake Carrington has to offer. Not only is he ugly enough to give Medusa a run for her mouney but he’s a jackass. Seriously this is not a nice man. He sent Crystal’s boyfriend away to another country so that he could make a move on her. He tried to get custody of his grandson when he thought that his son was living and in a relationship with another gay man.He flat out refused to acknowledge his son Adam when he returns, and he bans Alexis from his house. So she couldn’t see her grandson anymore, and I really don’t know what she’d done to warrant that.

Grant it she had properly done a lot of stuff that warranted that in the past, but she didn’t then. It was the nanny who was being rude to her and Blake kicks Alexis out. And alright I can see his point of view with the Adam thing, I mean this stranger he never met comes up to him and claims to be the son who was kidnapped when he was a baby. I mean it would make you uneasy to say the least, especially if you were as rich as Carrington.

So yeah some things you can kinda see his point. But with everything else he’s kinda a dick. I mean come on this guy is suppose to be the hero and he’s worst then the villain. But you know that’s not what bothers me most, no I could live with him just being a dick. It’s the fact that everyone else, besides Alexis who’s the villain, thinks that he’s this wonderful person. And even when he’s done something so horrible and bigoted like trying to get custody of his grandson because his son’s gay, they just forgive him because apparently “he was doing what he thought was best” Really are you freaking kidding me! It’s like he’s got them all under his spell! I’d say he’s the devil but I was told that he came in pleasing forms.

The Captain Vs The God of Thunder

Posted on May 4, 2012 by Magpie

Oh my god! I am so sieked up to watch the new avengers film. It looks AWESOME!!! So in that spirit of over excitement we decided that it would be a good idea to watch some of the other Marvel films. Well when I say we I mean me. I taped two marvel films on our Sky+. You can already guess which ones I taped can’t you? Right before I say anything I just want to add that I loved both of these films. What I’m trying to work out is which one was fundamentally better? That’s right Captain America – The First Avenger and Thor

Okay let’s start with the trailers. When I first saw them keep in mind I never read the comics. So this was my first intro to these characters. And I have to say Thor. It’s probably a bit unfair because I was put off Captain America simply by it’s title. I thought oh great this is gonna be a hole lot of American “Oh, we’re perfect and anyone who disagrees is worst then the devil” propaganda isn’t? Why’ll Thor on the other hand was this Norse God who gets his powers taken away and gets sent to earth as punishment for his stupidity. Now I thought yeah I can get on board with that. So Round 1 goes to Thor.

Captain A: 0 Thor: 1

Every superhero has to have an origin story. Basically how they became a superhero and these two are no exception. If someone put a gun to my head and forced me to choose which of these origins was cooler, I would have to say Captain America hands down. I mean come on, he starts off as this scrawny little thing who is always getting picked on but never runs away. Then he’s found by this basically ex Nazi scientist and signed up for this army program where he’s injected with this serum, making him a super soldier. Thor,on the other hand, is just born with all his powers. I mean sure he’s an alien and a Norse god but really I’m just not feeling it.

Captain A: 1 Thor: 1

You can’t have good without evil just like you can’t have a superhero with out a really scary villain. Again I would have to say The Captain wins, because lets face it there’s just no one scarier then the red Skull. I mean sure Loki has his moments but their weak compared to skull actually peeling his bloody face off! And it shouldn’t be like that because loki’s a god, but the thing is he’s not really evil, just neglected. So, sorry god of Trickery but the deformed Nazi wins every time

Captain A: 2 Thor: 1

Digital affects. I have to say Thor wins with a landslide simply because there are more of them. In Cap’s film sure you’ve got the guns that Hydra uses to disintegrate their enemies. And while that maybe cool it doesn’t really compare to the whole world that Thor has.

Captain A: 2 Thor: 2

Finally at last we come down to our last Round. And seeing as how I watched both of these films on the Action Chanel that is how I am gonna judge them. To give them both their credit they do both do that genre pretty well but in different ways. With Thor the battles it has in it are pretty awesome. And seeing how the people who fight them are all gods and warriors that’s not really sursprising. But it didnt really get me scared that they were gonna die. Cap on the other hand, that bit where he and Bucky have to walk across this thin piece of metal over these explosions! And the secret lair is coming down around them and then you here it creaking and Bucky realises it’s about to break and so he leaps for the other side…and he makes it. But Captain America’s still on the other side and so he yells to Bucky to Get out of here save yourself. And Bucky screams not with put you, so Cap backs up takes a running start and then he leaps across it and for a moment I really thought he was gonna fall. I really did I thought he was gonna die and that would be the end of film. And then the screen is just consumed in explosion and for a few minutes you don’t know if he made it or not. That was it, that moment when you just really don’t know if either of them were gonna live. And although Thor actually does almost die it just lacked that feeling of fear it was mor sad Like oh I rather liked you and your war against crockery.

Captain A: 3 Thor: 2

There are other things I could compare between the two very different films, but this post already taken three days to write. Yes I am just that lazy!

So that’s it, Captain America wins. And although it made less money world wide then Thor, which seeing as his name is captain America you can kinda see why, I do really think that it was the better film.

Mutant off! Hell yeah!!

Posted on April 27, 2012 by Magpie

Pardon my French but, YES! “jumps up and punches the air.” Finally Cyclops got what was coming to him. His ass handed to him by Wolverine.

Okay, before I begin I just want to say that I don’t read the comics usually. So I don’t know the character of Cyclops as well as I might if that was the case. But quite frankly I don’t want to. I mean come on in what ever x men thing I’ve seen him in he’s always been annoying as hell!

He was annoying in X-Men Evolution,he was annoying in X-Men the Animated series ,he was pathetic and annoying in Wolverine and the X-Men, he was very, very annoying in the X-Men films and hell he’s even annoying in the comics.

Oh just thinking about him those films makes me blind with rage. I actualy like James Marsden, but you you Cyclops made him worst then Kutcher! You sicken me!!

Sorry, sorry I lost control there for a second. But I’m good now, so long as I don’t think about it.

Okay, so the reason their fighting is; there is the big giant robot, think they’ve got a special name but I can’t remember what it is, and it’s heading for the mutant island of Utopia. Following so far, good. Wolverine and Cyclops are the only X men left on the island. Because all the others either are away trying to fight other giant robots in the world or are in a coma because they’ve got a space slug on their face. Confused, yeah I was too.

The only other awake people on the island are children. Not young children mind,

teenagers. So the kids are like we want to fight too and Wolverine’s like you’ve got be kidding your just kids. Cyclops is like Kids I don’t see kids I see X men. And then they both try to kill each other.

It is awesome! And not just because of my love for Wolverine or my burning hatred for cyclops. No, even if I felt nothing for these mutants this would still be an awesome fight. I mean cyclops fires his laser eyes right at Wolverine’s face, which is then like completely burned off so you can see the skull and everything. But he’s still coming at cyclops not having even been slowed down by the lost of his face. And then the giant robot attacks but they’re still going for each other and I’m like hey there’s a bigger problem here. Do you think you can put off trying to kill each other for the moment? Anyway, the kids help fight the robot and they eventually win. With Cyclops smirking all the time. God I hate that guy, wish Wolverine killed him.

So in conclusion I can kinda see both points of view. Yes they did need to defend themselves and the teens were capable of doing that. But on the other hand they were mostly children. And Wolverine’s right you shouldn’t use children as weapons. Its a tricky situation but I think I am more inclined to take Wolverine’s side simply because, I hate Cyclops so much!!!!

A Thoroughbred film

Posted on April 25, 2012 by Magpie

A few days ago we watched Sex And The City 2 And it was well beyond awesome, which is one of the highest praises I can give. I like the show, what little I’ve actually seen of it I’m not a huge follower. And I loved the first film although now I can’t really remember it properly. I think there might have been a wedding of some sort.

I loved the Abu Dhabi setting, I loved the characters and heck I just loved the whole film. The only thing I didn’t like about it, really was Sarah Jessica Parker. The women just annoys the hell out of me.But this film was so good that it even managed to over shadow Parker’s horse like features.Which is quite a feat. And, please tell me if this just me but didn’t Big, look rather like a slightly uglier version of Alec Baldwin?

Oh that reminds me my favourite bit in the film is when they’re at a gay wedding and Big gets hit on by a gay man. “And how did that make you feel?” Asks Parker, for once not making me want to behead her, Big(Chris Noth) smiles. “Like I still got it.” That was by far and a way, one of the best bits for me. Of course I enjoyed the rest of it as well but that just made watching the thoroughbred know as Sarah Jessica Parker all the more bearable.

I think I have issues

Posted on April 22, 2012 by Magpie

I’ve done this before on this blog, picked an actor and then explain why I hate them.So prepare yourself, because today I’m going to talk about Ashtin kueshter.

Now before you get you Nickers in a twist this isn’t going to be like that one I did abot Steve Martin. I don’t think kuster is a bad person. No I’m sure he’s a very nice person, it’s just…he repulses me.

I mean come on! How does that man keep getting work?! He can’t act, and really he’s not that good looking. I mean don’t get me wrong he’s not hideous but he’s no Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp. Which is what you’d think he’d have to be considering how much roles he keeps getting despite his lack of any acting ability what so ever!

But to be fair not every film that he’s in is ruined simply because he’s in it. We were watching this film called No Strings Attached and it was brilliant! So it’s basically got sort of the same premise as Friends With Benefits , exept it’s way better. I wont go into deeply to the story becase quite frankly I don’t think I have the energy to give a blow by blow account of a film. Okay so there’s Ashton Kutcher basically playing Ashton Kutcher and he’s just found out that his ex girlfriend is sleeping with his father. So he’s understandably upset, so he deceideds he’s gonna call every woman in his phone to see if one of them will sleep with him. So I won’t spoil anything else for you but sphise to say he ends up calling Natalie Portman. And she is brilliant in this film really her performance really makes up for Kutcher’s lack of a performance. Her charters wrists and quirky and slightly otisctic and it’s her idea that they just be “friends who have sex” as she calls it. Because the thought of having a relationship freaks her out. Kutcher on the other hand is just being Kutcher, he doesn’t take from the film but nor does he give anything to it. He’s just there.

So in conclusion do I hate Ashton Kutcher, Yes, yes I do. Does that mean that I have issues, no everyone else dose. I’m the sane one!

So how’s the weather?

Posted on April 17, 2012 by Magpie

The Apocolisph is nigh! Confess your sins! Run for the hills! Oh my god we’re all gona die! I want my mummy!!… What? No I don’t think that I’m exaggerating the situation at all!

The weather has been sico! One minute it’s raining and the next minute it’s snowing heavily with big snowflakes and then it turns sunny with no sighn of even a single snow flake on the ground. And I know you could just say that that’s global warming and the ozone lair or something like that, but I know in my gut that the big narcissist in the sky is getting ready to kill us all.

It’s 2012 people the Aztecs did not lie. But I suppose that’s a bit unfair I mean when I think 2012 I don’t think of The Apocolisph or films that have 2012 in their title or even the golden age that’ll come after civilisation ending. No Screw that 2012 is the year the hobbit comes out in cinemas. So the world better not end before then other wise there quite literally will be hell to pay.

This needs a better name!

Posted on April 13, 2012 by Magpie

Yesterday me, my mum and a couple of friends Went to see a film simpley called Pirates on an adventure with Scientists. Admitly this is a bit of a pathetic name. I mean come on film! Your marketing department couldn’t come up with anything better then that??? What is it like family guy? Are you all manties? Is that it huh? Because I can’t think of anything else that would make you give that film such a stupid name.

Sorry, sorry just got a little over emotional there. It just makes me so ANGRY! Right, it’s okay I’m under control again. So any way, to give the film it’s credit it was a really funny film. You know once you get past the sheer ridiculousness of a pirate of the year compation.

I won’t go into the plot too deeply, because I don’t want to spoil it for you. So I’ll just say that it’s basically about these pirates who want to win the pirate of the year trophy. But everyone else thinks that’s ridiculous because they’re quite frankly crap. Anyway it’s the story of how they go about doing this.

I know your probaly rolling your eyes but don’t judge it by it’s stupid sounding plot. It actuly is a really funny film. And it’s got an almost unbelievable cast; Huge Grant as The Pirate Captain( he didn’t ruin the film simply by being in it!) Martin Freeman as The Pirate with the scarf ( Dear god! These names are so unimaginative it almost sounds intenchinel…Oh.) Imelda Staunton as Queen Victoria ( That’s right Umbridge her self!) Russell Tovey as the albino pirate (I don’t know if he’s as a big a name as the others but oh well I’ve herd of him and really that’s all that matters.) And finally David Tennant is playing Charles Darwin. (That’s right people the bloody Doctor himself.)

So all in all I didn’t think I’d enjoy this film, but I did, I really did. And if wasn’t for THAT NAME, I would give it a ten out of ten. Sorry, it’s just could they have put less thought into that title?! Sorry, got carried away again, it just makes me so ANGRY! I think I should go lie down now before I break something.

How the heck did they get away with this?!!

Posted on April 8, 2012 by Magpie

I was watching Animaniacs, one of my favorite cartoon shows. And I came across something certainly interesting if not also slightly disturbing.

Now I’ve watched that skit about a hundred or so times and i never noticed it before.But it’s just so obvious now that I see it. And in case you don’t well then listen very closely to the words and then see what you think. What does Titicaca sound like to you?

I Can See a Magpie

Tomorrow I will see two