R.I.P Brian Griffin

Brian Griffin is dead… Brian Griffin is dead. I… I don’t know what to say. Sure I’d heard they were going to kill off one of the Griffin Family members but if I’d have to guess any one I would have guessed Chris. Though I love Seth Green, his character hasn’t really been giving much to do as of late. I would have been upset but I wouldn’t have been surprised.

I also might have said Meg *who’s one of the most hated characters on the show I might just add* but her abuse seems to be becoming *or already is* a running gag, giving her a lot more screen time. Even if they’d killed off Lois, which I would not have been unhappy about, it would have made at least a little more sense then killing off Brian.

I can;’t even explain it away with creative differences and the actor left the show, because Seth McFarland is still very much on the show! I’ve read what they gave as their reasons for killing him were; that it would be a lot more realistic for the dog to be killed off rather then one of the kids. Okay you raise me more realistic and I raise you Fucking Family Guy.

This a show where a dog walks on his hind legs, drinks alcohol and no body bats an eye! We don’t need realism! We did not tune in to watch realism, we wanted tasteless humor and characters defying death.

All  through the episode I was in denial, I just couldn’t believe they’d kill of Brian. Meg or Chris perhaps, but Brian?  I was convinced it was just going to be for one episode, not even that maybe half an episode. Stewie was going to rebuild his destroyed time machine and it would just be something to laugh about later.

But no he can’t get the parts, and they end up replacing Brian with a dog called Vinny. Don’t get me wrong, I like Vinny I think he’s nice, I didn’t trust him until Stewie did but I think that was the whole point… it’s just I’m still in shock. I can’t believe they actually did it.

This isn’t like On South Park with Kenny, Brian is staying dead and you know why I think the writers did it? Because they could. They could and they were bored.

Oh look at me I’m a Family Guy writer, I’ve run out of tasteless jokes so how can I upset people anymore? I know I’ll kill one of their most beloved characters, and oh no I won’nt just stop there! Not only will I kill him but I’ll do it in the most realistic way possible, he won’t die by gun fire or being flattened by one of Peter’s shenanigans, no he’ll be run over by a car. I can’t stop now I’m on a roll!

They’ll take him to the vets, ooh but wait it’s too late his injures are too extensive and they can’t do anything! So the family go in to pay their last respects and what our his last words on the face of this hellhole we call a show?

You’ve given me a wonderful life, I love you all


The venomous snarl of Scotland

I’ve been told that I should just enjoy things and not care about what other people say about them, and while that’s sound advice sometimes it’s just impossible to hold my tongue. With that said let us talk about Brave .

Now while I have been known to snarl venomously at anyone who doesn’t agree with me whole heatedly, I can still appreciate that there are other points of view. Not every film, piece of fiction, work of art will jell with everyone, as hard as it is sometimes I have come to grip with that. However saying that, what I really take unbridged to is when people complain about a certain element in something that wasn’t even there in the first place.

For instance I’ve herd people moan about how everything in Brave’s been seen before. That is simply not true. In some instances I can see why someone might think that,the princess trope and the arranged marriage troupe has been done rather a lot in Disney’s past.  But what you have to focus  on here is the how not the what.

Think about it, rarely has the political ramifications of being a princess or why an arranged marriage would be happening in the first place been highlighted so well. Sure we’ve had many different kinds of princess before; Jasmin, Ariel, Aurora…Rapunzel…Pocahontas…*actually it’s rather hard to remember how many Disney princesses were actually born into their title* but  really the title it’s self plays little to nothing within the story.

And the arranged marriage, while playing a greater role in the narrative then the princess title usually is nothing more then an obstacle for two star crossed lovers to over come. That’s the main difference, Brave is not a love story, or at least not one of a romantic sort.

Parental bond in Disney if their mentioned at all are usually father daughter relationships. In fact I dare you to name one other Disney princess where the mother is actually alive… okay tangled kind of had two but one was an abusive adopted mother who I think died at the end *my memory is not very good there* and the other  had absolutely no lines so I’m not counting them.

Speaking of villains, this film didn’t really have one. Sure there’s Mordu but he’s not so much a villain in himself as a threat of the future. A consequence of what could happen if the spell isn’t broken. Even the witch isn’t really evil, she didn’t even want to sell Merida the spell and only changed her mind when the young princess offered to by her entire stock.

Because  it didn’t need either of those things , the villain was the situation it’s self and a love interest would simply be pointless in the arc of the story.


The distressing Box

Oh god, Oh god, Oh god ! *rocks self in corner* the downton Writers have a sadistic streak. First they kill off two of their prominent characters in the same bloody season , and you know what I could have forgiven that but now they’ve gone and done it… they’ve had someone raped.

Look it’s not like it’s not a well written episode or even that the acting in it isn’t superb… it’s just my god it’s so horrible! Which being a depiction of rape you really would have expected it to be.

You can start to see a pattern merge among these Downton Abbey
writers can you not? Every time the show starts to hit a gentle curve, or far more alarming in season 3 when stuff was actually happening get’s boring, they put one of their characters through hell. Be it they generally kill them but this is no less devastating.

Maybe even more so, when you’re dead it’s awful for everyone around you but you’re gone, your pain is over if you’re raped on the other hand…oh god. I mustn’t let my mind dwell on such thoughts less I become even more depressed.

In fact I should probably finish this post soon so I can wonder off and cry in the corner. So I’ll just say this, Downton writers find away to make your story interesting without wrenching the hearts from your viewers chests. Think out side the horribly distressing box!

The limitations of a goest

Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol was publish in…er…hold I got this…erm…Okay so I don’t exactly know. I probably should, seeing as I’m going to run the world in the future but there you go, I don’t know everything. One day I shall have people for that.

Anyway getting back on topic, since it’s publication sometime in the Victorian era *I don’t know the exact date go look it up in a book or better yet the internet. You’re there anyway.* There have been many adaptations of it and when I say many you know I really do mean it.

The one I’m gonna talk about today is a fun little film going by the name Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past past. You can tell right from the title that this is going to be slightly different from other adaptions, for one thing it’s not set at Christmas.

In fact besides the three ghost  there’s very little in common with original tale. Our scrooge character *for the life of me I can’t remember his name* isn’t really of the miserly kind, he’s just sleazy with women, no scratch that he’s sleazy with anyone. Say what you want about Ebeneezer scrooge at least he didn’t do that.

However as awful as his behavior was it didn’t really send me off the film, because you know that’s what would be fixed. No what slightly irked me was the difference in the times spent with the different ghosts.

The ghost of the past gets a good chunk of the film and the other two get well, for people showing this jerk the error of his ways they sure don’t get much time to do it.

*sigh* I would go on but I’ve got my period and I just don’t feel up to it. That’s right I said it, If I have to suffer so do you. So prepare to have my blog posts become gradually shorter and or meaner as time passes. *evil cackle*







Beowulf: Barbarian Geniouse

Yesterday we watched Beowulf and I have to say there’s something I hadn’t realised the last time I watched it: Beowulf is actually very intelligent. The first time I watched it I just thought he was an arrogant big headed boaster.

Oh don’t get me wrong he is that as well, but when he actually chooses to use his brain my god. He’s the only one who figures out not only how to kill the beast know as Grendel but he’s the only one to realise that load noise gave hurt Grendel. Really people? Not even an inkling? Well that’s life for you isn’t it. 

While His method of offing Grendel is undoubtedly impressively simple and his battle with the mother was just pathetic, it’s his battle with the dragon that shows his true brain power. Or rather just before he fights the dragon.

He knows that he’s old and this might be his last fight but if he backs out and lets some young hero slay the beast then the circle will start all over again. Which is one of the main reasons he made his friend Wiggaff *I think that’s his name* his heir. In hope that he would be strong enough to resit the Angelina Jolie. Not actually quite sure if he did the endings a lot more vague then I remember.

Given the Boot

Look…I don’t care how you spin it Bigamy is wrong! It isn’t Poleamary which is open and honest this is lying deceitful and well like I said before just down right wrong! So having your main character be a bigamist and expect us to sympathize with her was always going to be a bit of a stretch, but the film could have at least tried!

She Led Two Lives is about a very stupid woman who marries two unbelievably understanding men and then gets found out. That’s basically the plot and let me tell you, right from the get go you bloody hate this woman.

It’s not even like her first marriage is  an unhappy one, sure husband 1 is a bit of a workaholic and can be a bit bossy but through out the film he  attempts to get closer to his wife and to work out their problems. Which is certainly more then she does.

It’s weird but I might have be more forgiving of her if it had just been an affair, but the fact that it  was actually marriage, yeah that’s defiantly  more. Even if you’re not one of those people that considers marriage a holly thing divined by god himself, it’s still a big thing, it’s still a sign of commitment.

This woman, who for the life of me I can’t actually remember the name of, claims to love both of them but I have to ask how can she when she spends all her time with husbands 1 and 2 lying through her teeth.

However all that aside this wasn’t a bad… this wasn’t an unenjoyably film . I might have even been able to give it a good review, if it hadn’t been for the ending.

We spent the whole film seeing how horrible this women was and how selfish and well how just generally disciple, so you’d expect the ending to give us some consequences to her actions . Nope, sorry but she get’s off completely scot free and husband number 1 even begs her to take him back with her giving him the boot.

He was the one that was bloody wronged! He should be the one giving her the heave ho! *Sigh* It just goes to show, you don’t have an ending you don’t have anything.

Iron Man 3: Wow…just wow

And that is not a good thing!… *sigh* Look I can admit that I may not have started this film with a particularly open mind. Mainly because I really don’t like Iron Man, why you ask? What’s not to like about such an iconic super Hero such as Iron man? Well I answer your question with another one, what’s to like about Iron Man?

The Man is a Asshole who spends very little of his films actually being a superhero. In the first film I get it they have to establish his character , but by Iron Man 2 it’s been establish that he is now a very well known superhero and has apparently “privatized world peace” But all we see him do is get drunk and show boat, sure he fights the main bad guys but for such an apparently famous hero he does a woeful lack of anything else productive.

Plus in Avengers he made fun of Captain America‘s time in the ice. As you may or may not have seen in previous posts I tend to get a little…testy when people bad mouth the good Captain. But even if that wasn’t my pet peeve mocking  someone about a traumatic event they’ve only recently just been through and have clearly not recovered from is an extremely douche thing to do.

However right now we are not talking about one of the most boring films ever made or one of the most Awesome, no we are talking about their successor one of the most Dumbness films ever made.

Okay so what was the stupidest part, well there’s probably a lot to choose from but I’m the more obvious choice of him giving his home address to terrorists and then having no security for his house… at all. His ex girlfriend *who it turns out is one of the bad guys* just walks straight in.

Many people will agree with me that that bit is by far the height of Iron man’s stupidity but it’s by far away not the only one I’m sad to say. Let’s take a look at the part where he has to rebuild his suit with no mope help then a kid with a potato gun.

Not only is this part pointless as it turns out but I couldn’t understand what the heck they were even saying. Look as much as I do not like the guy I can admit that he dies have some good lines, but the problem here is that he’s talking too fast me to catch what the heck he’s saying. Here’s a little secret, if I can’t here the joke I won’t be laughing at it.

I probably should at least mention in passing the stuff about the villain * I’m not even gonna attempted to spell his name* So I’m just going to say right off the bat it really didn’t bother me. I don’t read the Iron man comics and It’s by no means the stupidest thing done in the film or the most infuriating. If you want to see that check out the scene in the bad guy’s dungeon with Stark and his ex, yeah it won’t take  you long to wander why nobody simply shoots Stark in the head and puts everyone out of their misery.

You know  why this idiocy pisses me off and I’m not even going to go into the part where he has his arc reactor removed *yeah die with out it my ass* it’s that God help me even in his most narcissistic he was at the very lest capable. Sure he does fight the villain and win in the end of this as well, but by god the sheer stupidity before hand just makes you question the man of Iron’s sanity.