Practice makes perfect

I hate Elves. Okay has everyone got their pitchforks? Yes, yes good, you in the back with two give one to your friend, he’s only got a torch.

Maybe I should reword that, I don’t think elves are all they’re cracked up to be. Put those things down, just think about it.

Who made the Silmarillions? Who did the Kinslaying? Who hunted dwarves for sport until they found out they were actually a people? In fact, who invented rings of power, which caused all this debacle in the first place?

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying they’re evil, just a bit hypocritical. They’re all like

There is no strength in the hearts of men anymore

Hey they’re trying, we can’t all be blessed Firstborn.

That just solidifies my point doesn’t it, just because they were the first race to wake in middle-earth, does that make them automatically the best? No, but try telling them that.

If anything, judging by the fact that we gradually get better at whatever we’re doing, it would be Hobbits, not Elves who are the best of Eru’s children.

Edward Cullens grandmother

A skeleton exumed from a grave in venice is being claimed as the first known example of the “vampires” widely referredd to in contempory documents, according to New Scientist.

Matteo Borrini of the University of Florence in Italy found the skeleton of a woman with a small brick in her mouth, while excavating mass graves of plagure victims from the middle ages on Laazzaretto Nuovo Island in Venice.

The skeleton was removed from a mass grave of victims of the Venetian plague of 1576

At the time the woman died, many people belived that the plague was spread by “vampiress” which, rather than drinking people’s blood, spread disease by chewing on their shrouds after dying.

Borrini said: “Grave-diggers put bricks in the mouths of suspected vampires to stop them doing thhis”.

I’m not sure how exactly putting bricks in their mouths would prevent this from happening . Is it not correct that in most folklore vampires are incredibly strong? And there for would probably be able to bite through, a brick no problem what so ever. At least if the legends are to be believed and lets face it if your scared enough to shove a brick into a dead woman’s mouth then you clearly do belive the ledgeneds. So I still don’t see the logic behind those actions.

Of course we no longer do such foolish things any more. No, now we just stick our tounges down their thoughts

Pandora to Eve, I sense a pattern

I’ve just finished listening to a lecture on Itunes. Awesome that you can do that now! But anyway, it was about the greek Myths and I learned something new: Pandora was the first woman! I did not know this, I always just thought that she was just some woman who opened a box. Who by the way wasn’t a box at all, yeah it turns out that it was mistranslated during the sixteenth century. And it was actually a jar.

I think most people will know at least the basics in what happens in the Pandora Myth. So Zeus is angry at men after they’ve been giving the fire that Prometheus “god of foresight” had stolen for them. So he decides to punish them. By commanding Hephaestus to make the first woman. So that’s what the smith god does, he makes her from earth just like how Prometheus made the first man. So after he does this the other gods add their gifts to poor Pandora. Athena taught her needlework and weaving, Aphrodite “shed grace upon her head and cruel longing and cares that weary the limbs” Hermes gave her “a shameful mind and deceitful nature” Hermes also gave her the power of speech, putting in her “lies and crafty words.” So after they cloth her and then name her, Pandora meaning All gifted, “because all the Olumpians gave her a gift.” They give her this jar, mistranslated to box in the the renaissance, which they tell her she can never open, under any circumstances. Of coarse Pandora being only human can’t resist the allure of the box or, er jar. It’s like when there’s this big red button that says do not press. Well all you want to do is press it and see what happens.

Well that’s exactly what poor Pandora does and out come all the evil things in the world, like pain and starvation and what not. And the only thing at the end of it all when she finaly closes the blasted thing that’s left is hope. So that’s the story of Pandora, but I found out yet another thing, there was an earlier version of the myth. And this one doesn’t mention a jar or a box at all. No the punishment that Zeus gives man is Pandora herself!

The Pandora myth first appears in lines 560–612 of Hesiod’s poem in epic meter, the Theogony (ca. 8th–7th centuries BC), without ever giving the woman a name. After humans received the stolen gift of fire from Prometheus, an angry Zeus decides to give men a punishing gift to compensate for the boon they had been given. He commands Hephaestus to mold from earth the first woman, a “beautiful evil” whose descendants would torment the race of men. After Hephaestus does so, Athena dresses her in a silvery gown, an embroidered veil, garlands and an ornate crown of silver. This woman goes unnamed in the Theogony, but is presumably Pandora, whose myth Hesiod revisited in Works and Days. When she first appears before gods and mortals, “wonder seized them” as they looked upon her. But she was “sheer guile, not to be withstood by men.” Hesiod elaborates (590–93):

From her is the race of women and female kind:
of her is the deadly race and tribe of women who
live amongst mortal men to their great trouble,
no helpmates in hateful poverty, but only in wealth.

Hesiod goes on to lament that men who try to avoid the evil of women by avoiding marriage will fare no better (604–7):

He reaches deadly old age without anyone to tend his years,
and though he at least has no lack of livelihood while he lives,
yet, when he is dead, his kinsfolk divide his possessions amongst them.

Hesiod concedes that occasionally a man finds a good wife, but still (609) “evil contends with good.”

The man must have serious problems with his mother. I mean what the hell! The whole female gender is just a punishment to the male one?! But it’s not jusr him, or even Greece for that matter, there is a theme running through mythology in general. It goes; Woman Bad, Men Good. Think about it, a woman opened the jar and let out all the evil in the world, a woman ate the apple and got mankind thrown out of paradise, a woman cut off all of Samson’s hair and a woman asked for the head of John the baptist. Be it these are only examoles of two mythology’s but I’m sure that if I actually took time time to look then I would find a whole tone of other examples. So this can only mean only one thing; Mythology was written by men. Ugly and bitter men!

Olympian Parenting 101

One of my favorites if not my most favirite mythology is greek mythology. And as I was studying it I realized one very important thing. The greek gods should have never been allowed to procreate. They are terrible parents! I mean Hera or in some versions Zeus threw their son off mount Olympus where he fell on some rocks and became the only crippled Olympian in extistance and when he finaly at long last, once he was a fully grown yet still lame god, he made it back up to Olympus, Hera just flat out refused to acknowledge him as her son.

And although I personally have to agree with them, it was a bit of a shame for poor Ares. Both of his parents hated him. I mean my gods! No wonder the poor sod is so royally messed up and is always starting wars. I was listing to this lecture on ITunes by the university of Mexico and the lecturer said something interesting. She said that Zeus and Hera had a dysfunctional family and Ares was the scapegoat. And she’s right Ares is the scapegoat and Athena is the golden child!

And all of the hell that Hera put all of Zeus’ bastard children through. Like killing Hercules or making him nuts so that he killed his own children. And I know she technically wasn’t his mother but she was his step mother and that still counts. And Zeus, he actually was Hercules father and did he step in when Hera made Hercules murder Zeus’ own grandchildren, I don’t think so.

And that stuff with Hades and Persephone and Demeter. Well for all that we know Persephone could have know full well that if she ate those pomegranate seeds that she would have to stay in Hades for ever. For all we know it could have been a last ditch attempted to be free of an over bearing mother. Persephone was an adult and a goddess at that, she could have escaped easily, I think if she wanted to. I mean Demeter sent the whole wordl in to an ice age! If that’s not having trouble letting go then I don’t know what is.

But then can you really blame them for how they turned out. I mean just look at the role model they had, their father Cronus ate them! I mean come on they grew up in his belly that’s got to mess with any one’s head. I mean it’s a bit like Flowers in the attic, they became a bit nuts and incestuous. I mean Zeus married one of his sisters and had children with her and then he impregnated one of his other sisters and then his brother marries the offspring of said incest. But then again they are gods, being sane isn’t exactly in the job description.

Friday 13th: Unlucky or not

I have a new favourite word today. Friggatriskaidekaphobia. It means the fear of Friday 13th. Frigga being the name of the Norse goddess for whom “Friday” is named and triskaidekaphobia meaning fear of the number thirteen.

Now I know that Friday 13th is supposed to be extremely unlucky.But quite frankly, I don’t think that I’ve had any worse luck on this date, then I do on any other date of the year. My brother still burst in to my room with out knocking, and gets angry at me when I’m not interested by what twaddle, about crap that I don’t care about, he’s been spouting. If we sit down to a film for dinner to night I can guarantee that I won’t hear a word of it. And when I open the fridge today there will still be no hummus in there for me to eat. In fact so far this has been a rather good day. So why exactly should I consider this day any worse then the rest of them.

There is a superstition, thought by some to derive from the last supper or a Norse Myth, that having thirteen people seated at a table will result in the death of one of the dinners.

Friday has been considered an unlucky day at least since the 14th century’s The Canterbury Tales and many other professions have regarded Friday as an unlucky day to undertake journeys or begin new projects. Black Friday has been associated with stock Market crashes and other disasters since the 1800s.It has also been suggested that Friday has been considered an unlucky day because, according to Christian scripture and tradition, Jesus was crucified on a Friday.

Quite frankly, I think it all sounds like a bunch of twaddle. I mean I get why sailers are superstitious there going on the sea every day risking there lives, so it would be better not to tempt fate. But the Christians are just being deliberately difficult, to those of us who’s favourite number is thirteen and who’s favoured day is Friday. Although there has been at least one good thing about this stupid superstition. Friggatriskaidekaphobia, best, word, ever!

Best kept secrets of Tooks, Brandybucks and Bagginses

The first time that I ever watched the The Lord of the Rings Which admittedly was when I was very little, I often had trouble telling merry and pippin apart. They looked so similar. Of course I can tell them apart now but from a distance they still at least to my eye any way look very much alike. And I have to wonder why this is. Well of course the most logical explanation to this conundrum would be that that was just the choice of the costume and make up department and the facted that at least from behind it was very hard to tell which hobbit was which. At least to a small child was just a coincidence. How ever while that undoubtedly may be the most likely of the explanations that I can come up with. It is certainly not the most entertaining. After having a look at young Bilbo played by Martin Freeman in the hobbit a far, far more entertaining theory began to formulate in my head.

What if the reason why Mery and Pippin looked so similar was not because of the makeup departments choice or even because they were cousins. But becase they were a little bit more then cousins. Think about it ,Bilbo was quite famous after he returned from his adventurer with the dragon or at least so I would imaging. So he most likely would have been invited up to Brandyhall and the Great Smials wouldn’t he. In fact forget the dragon he was their cousin wasn’t he so he would have been invited up anyway.

Just think about it. Say that Merry’s mother, of course I don’t know the name of Merry’s mother. Okay lets say that it was Pippin’s mother of coures I dont know her name either. Okay lets just say one of their mothers had a fight with one of their husbands and say she just happened to bump in to their honured guest Bilbo Baggins. Say he asked her what was wrong and then she started to complain about her husband and one thing led to another and before you know it. Nine months later little Merry Brandybuck and little Pippin Took are born to their respective mothers. Or maybe they all just played that game were you put your keys in a hat.

This is sounding more and more unlikly even as I write it. So I better end this post soon becase I rather like this therory and I dont usaly like to be wrong. Well who does. So I will just leave you with these pictures and let you make up your mind for yourself.