Can you hear the film? No? Neither can I

For those of you who’ve read my blog before you’ll know how much I loath people talking through films. I.E it sends me in to a homicidal rage. It’s bad when people do it at home in their own living rooms, it’s unbearable when they do it in the cinema.

Me, my brother and dad all went to see Les Miserables again, a couple of days ago. The film in of it’s self was excellent there’s no disputing that, however the experience on a whole was slightly ruined by me being sat to the two most annoying people on the planet.

Now to give them their credit, they didn’t exactly talk through the film, but then again these are masters of annoyance we’re talking about here, they didn’t need to.

Let’s see where to start, oh so many choices each more irritating then the last, but I think I’ll go with Dad’s chin scratching.

Now I get when you’ve gotta scratch, you gotta scratch, I do I really do. But through the entire film?! He even did it during Val Jean’s death scene!

If that wasn’t enough to send anyone up the wall, there was; my brother’s constant stymying through the songs, my dad’s rustling of crisp packets, my brother’s loader then they needed to be sneezes and my dad going aww when Gavroche died! Yes it’s a bit that makes everyone including me cry, but saying that word belittles it and makes me want to beat you with a blunt instrument!!!

I could go on and on, but I won’t. I think you’ve got the general gist of my misery, so I’ll end on a hopeful note this time. This Sunday I will be seeing The Hobbit alone! Both my brother and father will be in a completely different screen altogether, watching a completely different film, about Lincoln… *does happy dance*

Corporal punishment and why I should be allowed to use it

In the religion of Islam the penalty for thievery is to have ones hand chopped off. I don’t know which, but I assume the hand that commited the crime.

I’ve, been trying to go easy on my brother, to look the other way as it where. For instance I’ve said nothing about his presence in the same room as me, or his breathing too loudly but I must draw the line somewhere: he has stolen the Chocolate cornflakes!

Said soon to be victim of Fratricide, has devolved a habit of snacking on certain foods that should only be eaten at breakfast! Which up till now I have been able to over look, I didn’t mind when he made an entire cereal box disappear in less then a day, I didn’t.

But this one I wanted, finally I said to myself,finally one that would be just for me. Mum doesn’t eat suger, Dad’s trying to cut back as well and my brother has his own chocolate cereal. Finally one that he wouldn’t just gulp down! Came through this morning, box was ripped open and more then half way eaten. Finished now, we only bought them yesterday.

Do I think I’m being over dramatic by calling for my brother’s severed hand, over a box of chocolate corn flakes….No.

Victoria and the scone of stone

Queen Victoria rules! I mean the way she stood up to her horrible mother and her evil adviser, who by the way is so evil that he actually kicks puppies! What? Why does everyone keep giving me looks like I’m insane, last night we watched Young Victoria
When England, Scotland and the word *that was a mistake but I like it, I want to own the word* are mine I’m gonna rule as she did;awesomely. And when I do, I shall be crowned,on the Scone of Stone.




My Mother the Addict

I’ve just finished watching Just Go With It , well I say finished but it was more like got bored and wandered off.

It’s not that it’s a particularly boring or bad film. In fact for something with Adam Sandler in it, it’s really quite good. It’s got some really funny writing, Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Anniston were really cool in it. And what else? Oh yeah grievous body harm to Adam Sandler, which is always fun. It just ran a little too long and I could already see what was gonna happen!

Adam was gonna get together with Jennifer and her kids would finally get a father. There whole movie that could have taken, said it in one sentence.

If I seem like I’m skipping through the description of the film, good because I am. That’s not what I wanted to talk about. You see, I think my mum is….a Chocoholic

Don’t laugh! I’m being serious! You see we’d run out of Cocoa, the horror, so we couldn’t have our normal cup of Hot Chocolate and of course there were no other chocolate related items in the house. But all was not lost, because raw chocolate had just been delivered by Goodness Direct. You up to speed? Good, the scene is set.

So we’ve finished our dinner and Mum pauses the film and says “Chocolate!” I start to get up but she grabs my arm and practically throws me back down onto the sofa. I sit there stunned for a minute before getting up and following her.

She explains it was to stop me from
Beating her to the chocolate. When I bring up the matter of my now reddish arm she just stares at me. Without even blinking once. A little freaked out?Yeah, I certainly was.

So we go sit back down and mum breaks off a small piece of the raw chocolate. When I reach out for it she yanks back. “Oh I see you don’t want it” As her only explanation for this madness. She does that a couple of times more, before I lose it and just grab it. Of course she refuses to actually let go. And we have to have this little tug of war.

By this time I’ve had about all that I take, and I say in a very calm and steady voice like I’m talking to a small child. “Mum, I’m holding something hot.” Cause I am, I’m holding a scolding hot cup of tea in my hand. Something that I know if it spilt on me it would defiantly hurt.

“sigh” Sometimes, it’s rather depressing being the youngest in your family, and yet the most emotionally mature.