The distressing Box

Oh god, Oh god, Oh god ! *rocks self in corner* the downton Writers have a sadistic streak. First they kill off two of their prominent characters in the same bloody season , and you know what I could have forgiven that but now they’ve gone and done it… they’ve had someone raped.

Look it’s not like it’s not a well written episode or even that the acting in it isn’t superb… it’s just my god it’s so horrible! Which being a depiction of rape you really would have expected it to be.

You can start to see a pattern merge among these Downton Abbey
writers can you not? Every time the show starts to hit a gentle curve, or far more alarming in season 3 when stuff was actually happening get’s boring, they put one of their characters through hell. Be it they generally kill them but this is no less devastating.

Maybe even more so, when you’re dead it’s awful for everyone around you but you’re gone, your pain is over if you’re raped on the other hand…oh god. I mustn’t let my mind dwell on such thoughts less I become even more depressed.

In fact I should probably finish this post soon so I can wonder off and cry in the corner. So I’ll just say this, Downton writers find away to make your story interesting without wrenching the hearts from your viewers chests. Think out side the horribly distressing box!

Magpie’s top ten WORST

I love films, who doesn’t, but every now and then we come across a film that sets our teeth on edge. You know you’ve found such a monstrosities when you realize, dear god I’d rather be reading.

10. The Rum Diary This was so boring I actually had to get up and leave. Of course as soon as I did Mum and Dad decided to turn on Will & Grace Thank you oh gracious givers of life, I bear no ill will to you at all. *glass breaks in hand* None what so ever.

9. The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie This is one of those films that, while not technically falling into the category of bad leaves you saying “oh, my life would have been a hundred times better without seeing that.”

8. The Last Airbender Like I said in my stand alone review of it I don’t think this is a bad film because it betrayed and din’t do justice to the source material. I think this is a bad film because it didn’t do justice to it’s self, the thing is it didn’t start badly in fact it was quite good *not the original good true but it was holding it’s own*

It’s just the endless expatiation undid it, which if they’d had a good editor really would not have been needed!

7. Iron Man 2  You maybe wandering why I didn’t say Iron Man 3 instead, seeing in how I gave it such a scaling review before? Well, even though the third one was profoundly stupid and insulting to the very character it was supposed to be developing *take it to account that this is a character who I hate so if i say it’s insulting you know it really is* it did at least have a point.

Marvel wasn’t just trying to make a bunch of superhero movies willy nilly, no they were making them in same universe. Which is a far greater task, each film has to leave a mark or really it was just a waist of space. As daft as the third iron man was it did at least do that, it was a stupid impact but it was at least an impact.

6. Mr. St. Nick Oh Kelsey why?! Why!? You can act, and generally you choose things that let you. The prime word here being generally!

5. Fast & Furious 6 Let’s something strait here the rest of these films were not good, heck they were barley even combatant… they were not as bad as this convoluted sexist and plot-less piece of trash.

4. Step Up Ever wonder what could be worst then having an actor who can’t  act in your film? Try having a dancer who can’t dance, clearly writers who can not write as well as many actors who can not act!

3. Cocktail This film is the biggest load of sexist, money grabbing, poorly written, horribly paced bullshit I’ve ever seen and is under the misconception that Tom Cruise is likable.

2. Seven Pounds Made at the height as what I shall affectionately call Will Smith’s martyrdom , this film made people want to kill themselves… and it was called the feel good film of the year.

1. Bakshi’s Lord of the Rings Abomination of all things right and good in the world. I have discovered a new level of hell and it’s creator’s name is Bakshi!

A Formula one Masterpiece

It was once said by a wise person *I can’t quite remember who* every story has the same plot, someone wants something, if it’s commercial fiction they get it if it’s Literary they don’t. But just imagination for a seconded that you combined the two, can’t be done you say Magpie has finally gone off her rocket. Au contrair mon ami, for you see just days ago I witnessed such a phenomena in a little film by the name of Rush. *It’s still out in the cinema so you’ll forgive me if there isn’t a link for it yet*

Set around the world of 1970′s formula one racing *which believe you me if you’ve been raised in the noughties really is a different world* the film tells the story of the legendary *well I say legendary but this is the first time I’ve herd of it* rivalry between James Hunt  and Niki Lauda.

Seeing as how the Grand Prix is at it’s very essence a race their can be only one winner. If the film had chosen  to just follow one of them, IE giving only one point of view and one story line to be invested in, it wouldn’t have been an  awful film by any means. Mainly because the writing was fantastic and Chris Hemsworth and Daniel Bruhl *I know that’s spelled wrong but I’m not sure how to put dots over the u so this will have to suffice at least for now.* were sensational as Hunt and Lauda respectively.

However upon saying that nor would it have been one of the best films I’ve ever seen. * and yes I will go to my grave saying that* Alone they are good stories but twisted together in a hot mess of anger and sweat *and yes I know what that sounds like I can assure you it was quite deliberate* they transcendent into a true greatness upheld by very few…God I’m so good sometimes I scare myself!

I’d tell you a blow by blow account on what happened in this masterpiece of a film, but I believe even my unbelievably awesome prose *does that sound too self satisfied?…Ah, who cares it’s completely true* would be unable to truly capture the true magistracy of this wondrous piece of cinema. * Am I being a tad over dramatic? Well kind of but my point still stands*

 

The Supposed Comedy

What defines a film as a comedy? If I was being cliche I might say that the dictionary defines it as, but this is 2013 and no one does that anymore so… Wikipedia defines a comedic film as

 a genre of film in which the main emphasis is on humor.

Well that certainly clears up something for me , the film I watched last night, The Joneses claiming to be a dark comedy  was in fact lying. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t a bad film by any means, in fact it was a very good film; full of good acting, writing and an intriguing plot, it’s just it was clearly not a comedy!

Sure there were bits that made me laugh, there should be in every film, but the fact was that it wasn’t the emphasis. This isn’t the first time I’ve been lied to in this fashion, a while a go two other films did something similar if not exactly the same thing.

Rather like the Joneses The Kids Are All Right and Spanglish are very clever films with great actors, strong characters and again intriguing ideas for their plots. However like before for something that claims to be a comedy *not even a dark comedy, which can get away with slightly edgier stuff then just plain comedies can*  the balance of both films *one of which actually has Adam Sander* in general really isn’t on the comedic side.

Was this the filmmakers intention the whole time? If so why call them comedies in the first place?  Well honestly *if it was deliberate at all* I think  it  had a lot to do with marketing. Of course this theory is based on what made me more keen to see these films in the first place, which is my love of humor and my believe that it’s a vital  if unappreciated academically part of any good piece of fiction. * I’d have still have watched them if they’d been  honest, just with a lot more kicking and screaming.*

Perhaps the reasoning was that people *meaning the general public* are more likely to watch these films if their hidden behind a lair of comedy. But on saying that, that raises the question on why they didn’t just make it into a comedy in the first place?

Not every comedic possibility has to be Adam Sander esc slapstick there are other types of humor. A lot of comedies mange to do the exact same thing with out sacrificing the actual comedy!

For what they are these films are all fantastic and if * emphasis on the if ’cause if  I promise to do a blog post on something I usually end up not doing it.* I was to do another Magpie’s top films list they’d most likely be on it. So yeah I don’t hate these films and I can even understand the route they took them in, because it worked for the stories they were trying to tell…It’s just that I really *eye twitches” really HATE being lied to.

 

 

My god how do Hobbits do it?!

Sunday 22nd was Hobbit Day, for those of you who aren’t aware hobbit day is the birthday of Bilbo and Frodo Baggins, the main characters of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings respectively. It’s apparently a much larger thing in America then it is in Britain “odd since Tolkien himself was British”

I’d already planned on having a second breakfast, but then an idea accorded to me…why  stop there? Why not do the whole bang and spandooldle and have all seven !

1st Breakfast

dool 007 (500x281) Okay so this first course of the day may have been inhaled before I had the bright idea to eat seven hobbit meals…but I can assure you it was Delicious. Well cornflakes with chopped bananas always is.

 

2nd Breakfast

dool 012 (500x281)dool 013 (500x281) Ah now that’s more like it my dear Hobbits!  A *I think* double Decker sandwich, first lair made of mustard and tomatoes, second lair made of humus and tomatoes and third and final laird of vegetable pate. You wouldn’t think those things would go together but they really really do. *So long as you don’t mind getting a little pate on your nose.*

 

Elevenses

dool 014 (500x281) Okay so maybe a smoothy  isn’t that hobbity per say, but it tasted delicious and besides with all the things from our garden in it, it has to count as a meal on some level.

 

Luncheon

dool 023

Leak, potato and carrot soap *I think, it was a couple of days ago and I didn’t really ask.* accompanied by bread and vegetable pate.

Afternoon Tea

dool 025 dool 027A bushel of freshly picked right from our very own tree plums were next on the menu.

 

Dinner

dool 028 We’re almost finished our day of let’s face it over eating, with meal number six cleared with a Chinese take out *And yes it was just as delicious as it looked*

Supper

dool 033dool 032 You may be wandering why such a small *I struggle to even call it a meal* snack is my choice of super? Well I shall answer you with another question… Have you actually tried eating seven meals in one day? No? Well then you really don’t have much to say on the matter do you?

 

 

 

The limitations of a goest

Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol was publish in…er…hold I got this…erm…Okay so I don’t exactly know. I probably should, seeing as I’m going to run the world in the future but there you go, I don’t know everything. One day I shall have people for that.

Anyway getting back on topic, since it’s publication sometime in the Victorian era *I don’t know the exact date go look it up in a book or better yet the internet. You’re there anyway.* There have been many adaptations of it and when I say many you know I really do mean it.

The one I’m gonna talk about today is a fun little film going by the name Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past past. You can tell right from the title that this is going to be slightly different from other adaptions, for one thing it’s not set at Christmas.

In fact besides the three ghost  there’s very little in common with original tale. Our scrooge character *for the life of me I can’t remember his name* isn’t really of the miserly kind, he’s just sleazy with women, no scratch that he’s sleazy with anyone. Say what you want about Ebeneezer scrooge at least he didn’t do that.

However as awful as his behavior was it didn’t really send me off the film, because you know that’s what would be fixed. No what slightly irked me was the difference in the times spent with the different ghosts.

The ghost of the past gets a good chunk of the film and the other two get well, for people showing this jerk the error of his ways they sure don’t get much time to do it.

*sigh* I would go on but I’ve got my period and I just don’t feel up to it. That’s right I said it, If I have to suffer so do you. So prepare to have my blog posts become gradually shorter and or meaner as time passes. *evil cackle*

 

 

 

 

 

 

The injustace of a sock

We’ve have just arrived back from the most magical, the most extraordinary, the most out standing place in the whole entire world…Asda. Feeling slightly disappointed , well tuff I spend most of my life writing so any other free time is pretty boring. Trust me this was the most exiting trip thing that’s happened in months.

Anyway not really the point of the story, so what is the point you may be asking? Well really, it’s socks. Or more accurately the coolest of the men’s socks compared to the women’s socks. In fact men generally have cooler clothes then women!

Now before you misunderstand me, I’m not taking about the cut or the style all those of quite fine with, no what I’m talking about are the merchandise clothes. You know clothes with a fictional charter or symbol on them, the kind marketing people sell to hope you’ll buy their original product as well.

Women do have that as well, it’s just men’s one’s are so much better. Let’s see take for instance the socks I spoke of earlier. In the woman’s section we had a pink SpongeBob *it was raising money for breast cancer research* and in the men they had also SpongeBob , Muppets, Avengers, Ninja Turtles and I think that’s about it. It was a smallish shop, but I believe my point still stands.

I can’t even begin to fathom why this would be, but then I was just as confused at the myth that only men read comic books. That only men like superheroes. Have you seen superheroes? Trust me men aren’t the only one’s who like them. The Avengers did not become so successful with just a male audience. You don’t have to adapt crappy Anita Blake books to attract more women to comic books because they’re all ready reading them!!!